So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
