i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
