i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
