he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
