That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
It's blow job season.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
