can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
