tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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