My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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