I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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