I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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