Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
