Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
