my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
