So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
