that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
that is very illegal...i love you.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
