two words: eviction party
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Randomize
