i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
