I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
