i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
bring money and cleavage
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
