I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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