I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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