A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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