He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
