You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Randomize
