im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
