It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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