R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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