she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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