Having a random hookup so left but love u
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I didn't notice because vodka
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
ok first of all what the fuck
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
