Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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