I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
