yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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