No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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