Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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