Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
