he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
