just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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