Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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