You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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