Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
