i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
