Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
