Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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