Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
