Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i would punch a child for taco bell
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
