just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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