remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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