btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
