Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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