your room smells of hookers.
And success
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
