sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
