im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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