How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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